THE CRAZY-MAKING HUSBAND

Recently I had a conversation with a dear college friend. Not many moments passed before our conversation turned to men. Though she and I originate in far different families, and have traveled far different life-paths, at heart, we are simpatico.

So as we mourned the dreadful state of many man-woman relationships, it wasn’t surprising that we shared a perspective.

She said it first: At the core of today’s relationship problems is men’s lack of respect for women.

Yes, RESPECT. Good, old-fashioned, wholesome respect. The kind of respect that requires good manners, consideration, kindness.  Respect that shields women from ugliness, and crassness. Respect that considers the welfare of his woman, in each and every decision that he makes.

Respect that motivates a man to behave his very best, to make his woman proud.

When was it in our ‘liberation declaration’ that we decided respect from men was unnecessary?  Why on earth did we assume that being ‘equal’ would efface our need for being well treated? And who, oh who, convinced us that ‘liberated’ women did not cry?

Each time we accept less-than-respectful behavior from our men, we contribute to the reinforcement of his bad behavior. What’s worse, this message is sent to other men. Eventually, society embraces bad male behavior.  Soon, institutions accept it too.

Shame — healthy, moral shame — is another gravely, mistakenly deleted social concept.

If you think I talk like an old-fashioned fool, test my hypothesis.  Ask any woman married to The Crazy-Making Husband: “Does your husband respect you?” “Does he feel ashamed when he behaves badly?” She may be embarrassed by your questions, but give her a moment. I promise she’ll be glad you asked.